I hope you're having an amazing christmas, or if you don't celebrate christmas, happy holidays!
To be quite honest, my christmas has been quite awful so far: on Friday 21st I got sick and it has gotten worse and worse day-by-day.
If you have ever had hand foot and mouth disease, you propably know how I feel right now. I've had high temperature, which I never have, so I've just laid in bed. But that's not all: the worst part of it all are the protuberances, which are about the size of a strawberry. They hurt and they're everywhere (even in my mouth)!! Especially in my face, only in my forehead there are 23 of those disgusting things! I actually started to cry when I first saw my face when I woke up on 22nd... If you have acne, I can promise you, that is nothing compared to this! I have never ever in my life looked this terrible! I've always thought that my face is pretty, but never been happy with the rest of my body. Now as I see most of my readers are at the age when their self-esteem is at their lowest, I'd like to share some of my thoughts with you.
I saw a 10-year old little girl in a shop a week ago and she wanted her mom to buy her HAIR EXTENSIONS! She claimed her hair is ugly, because it's too short (umh it was way over her shoulders, longer than mine!) Excuse me right? When I was ten, I played with my Barbies and absolutely didn't care what I looked like. I started wearing make up on ninth grade, when I was 14! And it was only mascara and tinted moisturizer, I seriously got into makeup when I turned 17!
I will make a video about this subject, but just because of christmas I wanted to remind you, that beauty comes from within.
I realize that the FIRST time in my whole life I considered myself looking ugly was on Saturday 22nd. I actually never before in my life had thought that I TRULY look ugly... Of course I have my bad days filled with low self esteem, but to actually BELIEVE that I look ugly? I've never experienced that before.
But guess what? This "ugliness" just suddenly went away while writing this post. The protuberances are still here and will take couple of weeks to fade away. But I started believing, that I AM more than what the mirror shows right now. I am funny, I am creative, I am beautiful, perfect just the way I am.
And so are you.
I have been bullied, I have been back-stabbed, I have went through high school and faced all the mean girls, people say shit about me, in my youtube videos they tell me I'm ugly and fat and all kinds of stuff.
Guess what? I don't care.
I really just do not care.
Some days of course I feel down and bad about myself, but mostly through my life I have always been pretty confident about myself.
You're never going to be beautiful if you don't believe that you are.
I'm one of those people who try to see beauty in everything and everyone. I dislike those skinny platinum blode-spray-tanned-smokey-eyed-duck-faced "barbie dolls", but hey! If they think they're pretty, that's ok! I just feel like that kind of a beauty image is SO OVERRATED!
So, on Saturday I asked myself a question: "What would I do, if I looked like this for the rest of my life?" and I answered: "Lol I'd propably kill myself". WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING?
Of course I was kind of joking with myself (you see how weird I am), but how on earth would I ever in my life give up my dreams just because of what I look like from the outside?
Anything can happen to you. One day you may have an accident or get a disease that will make you look like completely different from what you look right now.
I have a life full of plans and dreams ahead of me.
I'd never give them up for what I looked like.
Please, love yourself the way you are. I believe you are beautiful, and if you do so too, you will be.
Have fun, keep your head high and eat a lot of yummy things this season!
PS, I just ordered tickets to the IMATS NYC on April 6th to 7th.
Dreams actually do come true if you work hard and be patient.